This dude looks pretty conflicted. Is he a hippie? Is he a Guido? Is he an Ed Hardiot? One thing is for certain. He probably gets a great discount on rings at the little shitty silver jewelry kiosk he works at in the mall. A hippie in an Ed Hary shirt. Nicely done. How much longer on this Ed Hardy trend. We predict that mid year 2010, you will be able to find Ed Hardy clothing on the racks at Burlington Coat factory.
No sports fans, this is NOT a wax figurine display at the local wax museum. This skank sets the standards for female Guidos (aka “Garfields” because of their Orange skins, and affinity for Lasagna). Fake eye color, fake eyelashes, fake tan, fake hair color, fake eyebrows (are hers shaved clean off?), fake lip plumpness, fake rack…..but we’re sure she has a GREAT personality and is a BLAST to hang out with. /sarcasm off.
My Lip Gloss is Poppin', My Lip Gloss is Coo', All the boyz be jockin', they chase me after schoo'!
We’ve seen this asshole before. Back in early January, we debuted this Ultra Guido to GuidoFail.com in the article “Anatomy of a Guido” We are particularly fond of this Guido’s $5.99 Gas Station sunglasses. This dude has no shame with regards to his bacne either. Obviously induced by Steroid Smoothies, this dude (?) is flaunting is body acne for ALL the wimminz to see. We hear NOTHING is hotter than Bacne (Back acne). Girls LOVE popping that shit for you. And don’t make fun of him to his face, he’ll break one of those spikes off his head, and stab you in the fucking NECK! Teach you to queston his shade of lip gloss!
Ya-uh! Girlz or Guyz it don't mattuh to ME, BRING IT Ya-uh!
Welp. What can we say about this rockstar? We are betting a Benjamin that this guy is wearing a pink thong. He is just SCREAMMMING “Pink Thong Guy”. What is this dude so pissed off about? Well, I guess looking like some sort of gay love child between Zoolander, and Perez Hilton would be enough to piss anyone off. No wait, I know! He’s still TOTALLY pissed off that his Dad was half eaten by that White Tiger Montecore. Is that an engagement ring he’s wearing? He must be recently engaged to Roy’s son?
Our hero of the day is this idiot who apparently thinks chicks love to be put in headlocks. Ladies? Why don’t you tell the rest of us these things? Damn, there is so much going on in this scenario, I don’t know where to start. Why is this dick wearing one leather motorcycle glove? Why is he wearing ANY glove. You’re on a boat. You should be wearing flippy floppies, and not leather motorcycle gloves. I notice the bottle of vodka is still sealed from the liquor store. Our bet is after this attempt at a Puff Daddy video is over, the boat is returned to his boss at Blockbuster Video, the bottle of liquor will go back on the shelf at his friends’ dad’s liquor store, and…..wait, are those headphones? And an ace of spades tucked into his Do’ rag? This is too easy. We will just stop and let you enjoy this magnificent specimen of douchebaggery. We can only hope that immediately following this photo the chick on the right finishes the maneuver she is starting here, and pushes this asshole into the river.
A GuidoFail.com reader sent in this gem to us recently. This guy is frickin’ hilarious. I’m not sure if this clown even qualifies as a Guido. He is actually worse. He is a guido wannabe. Check out this dude’s myspace. What a ball bag!
Guidos and aspiring guidos:
You cannot hide from GuidoFail.com!
Thanks to Ennis in Los Angeles (who’s favorite team is the Angels) for sending us this beauty.
I don't want to know where those 2 fingers have been.
These three badasses are in da club being….awesome. Pretty hard to outdo these clowns. Popped collars, Puff Daddy Chains, shirts unbuttoned to expose greasy chest pubes, oh and PBR. Classy. Ok ok, we confess, we like PBR, especially at MLB Spring Training, and I think it just rubs us the wrong way. PBR is above guidos!
I make this face b/c my buttplug is a size too large...
This guido and his girl man friend apparently saw “Something About Mary” last night and decided to have a competition to see who’s hair could look most like Cameron Diaz’ nut plastered do?
I would love to tell you that is the reason, because it’s rational. But the fact of the matter is it’s not true. These guys did their hair like that because they truly think it looks cool. As well as the bandanna used to wipe away melting hair gel off ones forhead for a sweatband in da club. Bro, how come your hands are a different color than your face?
Now you can have the soundboard of Jersey Shore at your disposal. Snookie with her “If one thing leads to another, I’m not gonna tell him to get off…” to The Situations “GTL baby, Gym…Tan..Laundry…” It’s all here. Thanks to Brian is Wisconsin for sending this in.
Since Guidos recently took over the media, the question has been constantly raised. What professional athletes are bonafide Guidos? Who would be the first to grace the pages of GuidoFail.com? Would it be a Quarterback? Maybe a flashy DB? How bout some douchey Center Fielder? Nope. It’s an NFL Kicker. Ladies and Gentleman, we proudly present to you, Jeff Reed of the Pittsburgh Steelers.
I can score? Plz?
Notice she is being polite, but clearly trying to get away….
Ladies, here is a great example of what NOT to do. This Garfield has not only gone full Gweed with bleached white hair, and a fake tan, but she’s also wearing Ed Hardy jeans, an Ed Hardy belt, an Ed Hardy shirt, and probably Ed Hardy underpants….well that is if she is wearing any underpants. Like her Guido brethren this bitch clearly carries a raw lemons around with her in her purse, to chomp on right before a picture is snapped. Or maybe part of being part of this scene is drinking shitty beer, to get the “bitter beer face”
I can Guido?
Girls. Fake hair, fake nails, fake tans, and all that crap is not hot, and not awesome. But, we understand the thought process. I mean, if your boyfriend is wearing more make up than you, then logic says you need to step up your game.
President Bush has some spare time on his hands now, and it looks like he’s trying to go for an image makeover. We’re not sure who he hired for the job of making him over, but we are certain the guy should be PROMOTED!
By popular demand, we are introducing a new category into the archives of GuidoFail.com. We are receiving the Guido pick up lines by the hundreds! We will archive them here for you, and you can always check them out. Ladies, I know these sound smooth, but DON’T FALL FOR THEM!!
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
Do you know karate? Because your body is KICKIN’!
What has 2 thumbs and loves blow jobs? "THIS GUY!!"
Oh you have a boyfriend? Well, when you want a MANfriend, come find me
Stay tuned to GuidoFail.com for updates to this list!
Look Hardiots, we all like to joke and have fun, but GuidoFail.com draws the line at child abuse. You are setting up little man here to do the exact same thing you have done….Fail at Life. He didn’t ask for this treatment. Give the poor boy a chance. He’s going to get demolished at school. Nice work.
Well, our favorite Garfield from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” has done it again. She was fired recently from her receptionist job, and just like any other Z list celebrity would do, she has signed on with an agent and is now available to party with YOU! Her cost? $2000 plus travel expenses. The 2 G’s wouldn’t be so bad, the the travel expenses is the tricky part. You know when this hooker is traveling around she needs 3 sets of tickets for airfare. 1 for her, 1 for her makeup and her makeup’s luggage, and one for slut accessories. But, shit, to have her show up at your gig and perform this maneuver for you and your friends?
Immediately after this photo was taken, the girl had to go to the bathroom to wash the giant orange smear off the side of her face. This Guido actually stepped up the game and carved lines in the side of his head. Or maybe he was manscaping his eyebrows and sneezed and the razor shaved the lines in the side of his head. Who knows. One thing is for sure, this Guido fails.
We are experiencing technical difficulties on Twitter! We have support tickets in, and are trying to get things back to normal. We apologize to our followers on Twitter, we are trying to get this resolved as soon as possible! Thanks for your Patience.
At GuidoFail.com we are introducing a new category to keep you up to date with the epic douchebaggery that is going around the US. This is a classic example of an “Ed Hardiot”. Ed Hardy clothing is a favorite of Guidos around the world and especially in the US. It is apparently cool to these guys now, just like the Tommy Hilfiger Jorts they wore in high school. Don’t know what Jorts are? Here is a rockin’ set of Jorts being worn here. Bad News Guido, your Ed Hardy clothing is about 2.5 seconds away from being available on the racks at the Burlington Coat Factory.
